Barack Obama turns 60 today.
It’s not something most normal people realize, unless you’re a big fan of the former “Choom Gang” dope smoking Hawaii teen turned community organizer turned crooked Illinois politician turned keynote speaker at the 2004 Democrat convention turned to-the-left-of-Hillary Clinton 2008 presidential candidate turned “Hope and Change” blusterer turned president of the United States. Obama won the office after a financial crisis materialized two months before the ’08 election, which helped him defeat the hapless John McCain in an eminently getable contest the GOP should’ve fought harder to win. (Jeremiah Wright? McCain wouldn’t touch the subject.) One could further extend Barack’s colorful lifelong description by including the Big O’s post-presidency work, which has seen him morph into a de facto climate change denier (he and wife Michelle purchased a nearly $12 million, 29-acre oceanfront estate on Martha’s Vineyard, which begs the question: If we’re so threatened by rising oceans, why would anyone lay out that kind of dough for a spot on the beach?), non-stop race-baiter, shill for his old pal Joe Biden and frequent foil for former president Donald J. Trump and conservatives. Some of Obama’s biggest friends, most notably his best chum -- himself -- are planning a birthday bash this weekend for the figurehead of today’s Democrat party. Obama opened the door for a sea-change switch of the faction’s priorities, from representative of the “bitter clinger” unionized, working class average schlep to pushers of everything socialist and Marxist. Do you think Bernie Sanders would’ve gotten as far as he did in 2016 if Barack hadn’t already cast Hillary on the trash heap in 2008? Or, would Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and “The Squad” be pressuring old broken-down Nancy Pelosi to turn the House of Representatives into the circus sideshow it is today? Heck no! So, here’s a toast to Obama and his three-score years of existence on the ever-warming Planet Earth. May the festivities be as joyful as the average Democrat (meaning dour and sullen and eternally in crisis-mode). In a shocker, Barack’s former VP isn’t planning to attend. Say it isn’t so, Joe! Alex Gangitano reported at The Hill:
“President Biden will not be attending former President Obama’s 60th birthday party on Martha’s Vineyard, a White House official confirmed. ‘While President Biden is unable to attend this weekend, he looks forward to catching up with former President Obama soon and properly welcoming him into the over 60 club,’ the White House official told The Hill. “… Biden is slated to travel to Rehoboth Beach, Del., on Friday. “The Hill was the first to report that Obama is expected to be joined by dozens of A-list friends at his home on Martha’s Vineyard and that guests are being asked to take COVID-19 tests before attending. Celebrities Oprah Winfrey and George Clooney scored invites.”
Hmmm… do you really think “scored invites” is the best way to describe receiving a highly coveted (at least among liberals) summons to Obama’s Academy Awards-level birthday fiesta? One can only imagine what it will be like there. The graying Barry-O, with wife Michelle in tow will enter stage center to the sounds of Pearl Jam (which is slated to play at the event), with the rest of the ancient liberal attendees rocking to the beat and doing their best to make noise and clap politely but fervently for the first “woke” African-American president… or at least the first since Big Bubba Bill Clinton. Momentous? Yes. Smart thing to do, no. To hold a big, likely mask-free event in the midst of a COVID-19 cases spike is tasteless at best and political suicide at worst. How will senile Joe, Jen Psaki, “Chucky” Schumer and Nancy Pelosi continue making the argument that trillions of additional spending is urgently needed to “help” working people if the elite class is living it up on Martha’s Vineyard with such gaudy monetary decadence? This sounds more like something the evil orange monster Donald Trump would do, doesn’t it? How many times did the media sarcastically report on Trump’s high-end social events at Mara Lago or one of his other clubs? Why the double standard for Democrats? Besides, this has “super spreader event” written all over it! Recognize that Obama’s new estate isn’t that far from Provincetown, Massachusetts, the site of Cape Cod’s “Bear Week” (in early July), which is the rendezvous point for gay men from across the country and world every year. The major establishment media didn’t report that the most recent gathering of hairy homosexuals (their description) resulted in a major outbreak of COVID-19 cases, which then led to the CDC’s issuing of new guidelines on masks, among others. Who knows, seeing as the Obamas and Democrats in general are highly supportive of all things LGBTQ, perhaps there will be a shirtless “Bear” or two in attendance at Obama-60-fest, which apparently will host almost 500 guests and 200 staff. Chances are, such an individual or individuals will have been COVID positive, though everyone attending the big O’s party will be required to pass a medical test to travel to the island and get near the likely fully vaccinated crowd. Here’s thinking there will be numerous photos and plentiful video released from the occasion, all depicting smiling O’s and their who’s who of liberal American society saluting success and reveling in their mission to “transform” the United States into a bankrupt socialist dystopia where everyone suspects everyone else of hating them for some unspecified race, gender, sexual preference or ethnicity-related reason. The news of Biden not planning to land Air Force One on Martha’s Vineyard this weekend might overshadow the smarmy occasion. Is Obama peeved about it? If so, here’s a predictive snapshot on what he would’ve said to his former protege: --The phone rings in the Oval Office. Alone in the space, president Joe Biden presses the answer buzzer on his mocked-up Playschool children’s phone he had specially fashioned for the Resolute Desk. He’d been playing telephone with his grandchildren (except Hunter’s illicit love-child, of course) one day and decided he liked the feel of the plastic receiver against his cheek, so he had his own specially made by one of his son’s Chinese toymaker associates. Jen Psaki’s voice came over the com: “Hey, Joe, Barack’s on the line and he sounds a little miffed -- more than usual. I think you’d better take this one.” Joe Biden: “Jen, what the heck do you think you’re doin’ answering my calls? Shouldn’t you be prepping with my issue staff so you know how to answer the media’s questions on what I think about things? They work with me, too.” Psaki: “Yeah, whatever, Joe. Since half the staff quit because they make more money being unemployed than working for you, I’m forced to pick up your calls now. When you made that crack about restaurants and not getting people to work, seems like a lot of our White House workers thought the same thing about their situations here and bailed on us. Anyway, better get to Barack or he’ll blow a gasket.” Biden waved his hand in simulated dismissal, but then realized Psaki couldn’t see him. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, put him on.” Obama: (Heavy breathing and the sound of fingers drumming on the desk.) “Joe, I’m gonna try and keep it together here. Michelle’s in the next room and she already threatened to leave me if I brought this subject up again, but I can’t get it outta my head. Why the h-ll aren’t you coming to my birthday party??? Summer interns were opening mail marked ‘POTUS’ -- I still get a lot of it -- and they indicated that you’d sent an RSVP to my little soiree with ‘No frickin’ way’ etched in Major’s dog poop on it.
“What gives, bro? Are you cappin’ on me again?”
Biden: (Sitting back in his swiveling chair, senile Joe ran his hand though his thinned-out hair and staired at the ceiling, searching for exactly the right words.) “Always great to hear from you, boss. Remember the days when I was always the last one in the room to make all those decisions? We used to yuck-it-up thinking about the people out there thinkin’ we were talking about bombing Syria and stuff when really we were planning our fantasy sports teams the whole time. Suckers!”
Obama: “Seriously, Joe, you sound like a reject from a Catholic care facility. Why are you blowing off my party, homey? I was saving a special dance just for the two of us. Now I’m gonna havta share the floor with Chucky Schumer or something. Not happy. If not for me, you’d be washing old junk in Hunter’s used car dealership. Get yourself on that big bird right now and fly up here.”
Biden: “No can-do, m’ man. Dr. Jill’s got us going up to our place in Delaware for the August recess. I always tell people how ‘average’ I am but I still got lots o’ houses and all the dough I want to spend on ‘em. If I went to your party, half our donor base would see it as me being subservient to you again. Uh-uh. I got COVID to sell, bud.
“Hunter’s dumping his artwork, too, so we’re gonna have all the simoleons we need to buy all the crab cakes I can eat. I don’t need you anymore, man. Now clear the line in case Kamala or Hillary or Bill or Nancy P. or Chris Dodd calls me about my own invites to my summer blowout. Did you notice I didn’t send one your way?”
Obama: “Your beach house looks like a Trump-voter trailer park double-wide compared to my spread on Martha’s Vineyard, loser. Oprah’s gonna be there, for Pete’s sake. And George Clooney. You should be with me on my 60th, pal. I know I’m about nineteen years behind you, but I’ve still got all my wits and it looks bad when you don’t make the effort.
“If that’s all you got to say, we’re not friends anymore.”
Biden: “We’ll always be tied together, bosom buddy, like two old tractor trailers connected by a bungee cord. I’m doin’ my own thing, Barack. Forget about it. I know I will. Happy birthday anyway. Maybe I’ll send you a couple quarts of my favorite ice cream as a gift. I heard it’s pretty rustic up there on that island. So long, Gilligan!” Click!
-- Who knows why Joe Biden isn’t going to Barack Obama’s 60th birthday party. Maybe it’s due to resentment or contempt or laziness…or jealousy. Democrats are all about public relations and appearances, so they instinctively understand when there are danger signs involved. Joe Biden’s sinking approval ratings mean you don’t want him anywhere near Obama right now. (Note: Obama has now scaled back the party to family and close friends only.)
Barack Obama 60th birthday