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  • Jeffrey A. Rendall

Assault on America, Day 748: Joe Biden, lost time, and reflections on inauguration mind wandering

Don’t give Joe’s inauguration the time of day and what the attendees are probably thinking

Among the many quotes Benjamin Franklin is famous for is one concerning time: “Lost time is never found again.”


It's helpful to remember these timeless (sorry, couldn’t resist) words today as the clock ticks down to less than twenty-four hours until the end of Donald J. Trump’s presidency (the moment will occur at noon today, eastern time). Despite the avalanche of condemnation and the sure-to-be-in-vain impeachment by the gleeful Democrats, reasonable people will reflect on what Trump did for the country he loves. He certainly lost no time in advocating for the forgotten Americans throughout what Rush Limbaugh labels “The Fruited Plain,” but the nation’s first true outsider president did it in his own characteristic style -- by pushing hard, all the time.


During the leadup to the 2016 election, Trump claimed that he’s not fond of sleeping. Commentators lectured that it wasn’t healthy for a man of Trump’s age to be an insomniac, but in his particular case, it appears he doesn’t need as much shuteye as others. One can only imagine Trump watching cable news in the middle of the night, unable to sleep with the weight of America’s worries on his shoulders. The president knew that time is precious -- and limited. He understood that there was much to do and few opportunities to accomplish his goals.


Will Joe Biden have the same time management philosophy? Doubtful. Observing the very ancient looking 78-year-old, Biden doesn’t seem to have much stamina at all. His lame attempts to jog to the podium during his rare campaign appearances didn’t fool anyone. Biden loses time by the hour and will discover very soon, if he hasn’t already, that he’ll never get those minutes and seconds back. Ben Franklin was right -- again. Maybe he envisioned Joe Biden when he said it.


At any rate, tomorrow is inauguration day and there’s no stopping time. How should conservatives treat the occasion? Roger L, Simon, writing at The Epoch Times, suggested to just avoid the event entirely. In a piece titled, “Suppose They Held an Inauguration and Nobody Came?”, Simon said, “There is a much better way to protest the inauguration. Don’t show up! When I say don’t show up, I mean really don’t show up.


“Don’t protest the inauguration in any way, not in Washington, not at your state house, nowhere. Ignore the whole thing. Don’t even watch the event on television or stream it on any of your devices. Let Bret Baier blather away all by himself, with or without Martha McCallum. That means no Newsmax or OAN, too. And, especially, don’t watch their ‘Virtual Inaugural Parade.’ Turn it into a ratings disaster.


“I know you will be tempted, but don’t do it. Not even a glimpse. Ignore, ignore, ignore. You must have something better to do, such as fixing that leaky faucet in the guest bathroom once and for all, or finally installing that second peg board in the garage that’s still in its shrink wrap.”


Or if you choose to be more graphic (and disgusting), there’s always digging out that annoying dirt that gathers under your toenails when you take a stroll in the grass barefoot. Or emptying and cleaning the overflowing grease trap underneath your gas barbecue grill. Or finally replacing that leaky toilet. Or scheduling to have a company come to drain your septic tank and then volunteering to man the hose in order to give the guy or gal a well-deserved fifteen minutes off. Or asking the caretaker at a bus depot whether he’ll allow you to collect samples of bacteria from his restroom’s floor… You (unfortunately) get the picture.


Or how about really committing the time to a worthwhile cause like visiting with senior citizens at a care facility or serving a meal at a homeless shelter? There are literally thousands of better things to do instead of journeying to the capital only to be watched like criminals by the platoons of national guardsman on duty, stationed there to “keep the peace” in case Trump supporters show up to make trouble. Or even worse, you could be watching the streaming tedium on your computer or TV screen.


Some will be required to be there -- the “dignitaries” who are mandated to participate in such pompous and pretentious occasions. I don’t know exactly who will -- and won’t -- be in attendance tomorrow, but wouldn’t you give an ounce of silver to decipher what they’re really thinking of Grampa Joe’s big moment?


Forget being a fly on the wall, what’s going on inside the ruling class’s heads?


Since we’re not mind-readers, here’s speculating on what the political beautiful people are actually thinking about:


Former President Barack Hussein Obama: ‘I can’t believe this moment came. Why wasn’t I more forceful when I told Joe that “You don’t have to do this”? I should’ve taken it seriously when all our Democrat talking heads blathered about how this idiot could actually win after the coronavirus gave the media an excuse to bash Trump 24/7 instead of concentrating at least a smidgen of their wrath on our party. Now this doddering old fool, who probably has to read his name and occupation off a note card every morning, is going to be in charge of safeguarding my legacy. Maybe we should amend the Constitution to say that if a president is removed via the 25th Amendment that his party can appoint a successor, even if the person’s already served two terms? That’s the only way to make it through the next four years. If not, I’m finished. No more “Hope and Change” for us. I can’t wait to get outta here.’


Hunter Biden: ‘We did it! When I was little, my dad told me to never underestimate the gullibility and stupidity of American voters and that they’d elect a dandelion president if they hated the other guy more than they did yourself. We just added mail-in voting this year and look what it got us. Trump shot off his mouth, the media kicked my story to the side like a hockey puck into a corner and my laptop didn’t matter a lick to anyone with a parental porn filter. Now my dad will turn me loose on the world, and I’ll be rich! That curmudgeon Obama only let us concentrate on Ukraine and China in those eight years, but now I can shakedown the whole planet earth! What do I want? A Ferrari? Nah. A bottomless supply of babes and crack pipes? Nah… Well, yeah, okay. Oh, I dunno. There’s so much to think about. The sky’s the limit! Oh, happy day!’


Dr. Jill Biden: (Before her husband is sworn in, glancing over at Hunter Biden) ‘Gee, this sure is an emotional day, isn’t it? Look at that view. Wow, I could get used to this. But it would be so much better if Beau were sitting there instead of Hunter. Beau was a good boy -- or at least he didn’t attach himself to every woman within groping distance. It’s as though Hunter is always like a stray male dog sniffing a female in heat. And what about all that money that went up Hunter’s nose or out his pipe? This guy is a disgrace, and worse yet, I have to pretend I’m fond him…. I wonder what my first husband thinks of all of this? Will he ever shut his mouth over the way Joe and I met? Everybody thinks we’re so sweet and innocent. And when I’m up here, nobody can touch me when I claim to be a real doctor. Nanny-nanny-boo-boo to you, losers! Suckers! Psyche! Oops, they’re telling me to get up now. Where’s the Bible? I’d rather Joe put his hand on the latest issue of Cosmopolitan, but they won’t go for it. We have appearances to keep, don’t we?’


Speaker Nancy Pelosi: (Witchy laugher echoing through her head): ‘This is the best day of my life! If I had to live through another four years of a president fighting back against me every day, it would have intensified my wrinkles to the point where no plastic surgeon could stretch them. Now, not only do we have a puppet for a president, we’ve got a majority of Congress too. Everything we’ve ever dreamed about is within easy reach. If Biden dares defy us in any way, we’ll just cut his funding for the White House staff and food budget. They may call him “Mr. President” but I’m the one with all the power. Like Ilhan Omar said, it’s all about the Benjamins, baby! Joe likes to call Trump supporters “chumps”, but he’s the real chump. We couldn’t get rid of Trump fast enough, and impeachment’s going to remove his lifetime Secret Service detail, too. It’ll be our proposal for debt control. You haven’t seen the last of us, Mr. bad Orange Man. From now on, it’s “Build Back Better”, which I alone will interpret!’


Majority Leader-to-be “Chucky” Schumer: ‘It’s hilarious. I’ve known Biden all these years and he’s about the last person I figured would ever get elected president. He’s got the intellect of sawdust on a pizza joint’s floor! But he’ll give us anything we demand. I told Kavanaugh and Gorsuch that they’d pay the price and they wouldn’t know what hit them. I’m a Democrat, I can say anything I want! Now I’m going to use Biden as the way to change America. We won Georgia, didn’t we? That’s one promise I fully intend to keep. Goodbye, Donald. Hello, Joe. We’re gonna get Trump’s a-- impeached this time. Where’s Romney? We’ll get him to lean on Mitch to get the votes. Imbeciles!’


Former President George W. Bush: ‘Ha! Look at Uncle Joe! I remember back to the good ol’ days of my presidency and having to deal with that brainless dunce in the senate. He sure talks a good game, don’t he? Don’t get on his nasty side, though, or he’ll grit his teeth and stick a knife in your back. But me ‘n Dick (Cheney) were able to convince him to vote to authorize the Iraq War. He ain’t no moderate though. Doesn’t matter. I’m no conservative either. I whupped Gary Bauer’s [butt] to get the nomination in 2000, didn’t I? There is no conservative movement. Today is poetic justice for all those “conservatives” people who were so mean to Jeb. I bet mom and dad are looking down from heaven right now. They liked Joe too. This is a good day.’


Former First Lady Hillary Clinton (with a crooked smile on her face): ‘I can’t believe I have to sit through another one of these boring-as-hell ceremonies. How many is it now? Eight? They better have some strong Chardonnay at the luncheon downstairs. Are they even gonna have one with all this coronavirus stuff? Joe’s going a little over the edge with caution, isn’t he? If this were my inauguration, which it should’ve been for my second term, I would hold it at a winery, like a wedding reception. Maybe Nancy Pelosi’s place? She’d charge us double for each bottle of booze, but that’s okay, it’s like a government-funded slush pool. I didn’t exactly bring down Trump with the Russian collusion thing, but we sure acted like a boil on his backside during every day of his presidency. If it couldn’t be me, why not Joe? I think deep down he hates Obama almost as much as I do. Is it too late to trip him as he comes down the stairs? Who’s Bill looking at? What’s her name? Tell someone to get her out of here. Not during the ceremony! Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself. I did it!’


Vice President Kamala Harris: ‘Cracks me up whenever I hear someone talk about how great Biden’s presidency is gonna be, because he’s not going to be on the throne long. I swear it!. I was kinda hoping we were gonna have a full-on inauguration parade down Pennsylvania Avenue today, because I was betting Joe wouldn’t make it a hundred feet before he keeled over. As it is, I’m gonna have to carefully plot my poison -- not literally… Okay, yeah, by any means necessary, right? When I’m president, everything we ever dreamed is going to happen. No more climate change -- bye, bye, fracking. Abortion all the time. Slavery reparations. No more pronouns. Three -- or more -- people could marry each other. A thousand genders! Trials and convictions on racism charges. We’ll get it done. Joe’s speech is sure monotonous. Who cares, I’m not even listening.’


Former Vice President Mike Pence: ‘What time did they say this ceremony would end? So much to think about today. The past year has been astonishing. So many surprises, even after having served with Donald for those three prior years. What if he’d just let me handle the COVID-19 briefings instead of using them to spar with the media? What if he’d taken a lower profile in last summer’s campaign? What if he’d just let Joe Biden figuratively hang himself in the first presidential debate before all those mail-in votes were cast? What if we’d been more aggressive in challenging state legislatures and state court mail-in voting decisions before the election? What if Trump had taken advice and eased off Twitter for the last year?


‘What if?’


--In actuality, who can say what Mike Pence will be thinking tomorrow. It’ll probably take many months or years to flesh out his thoughts on the final days of the Trump administration. We don’t know who’s going to be at Grampa Joe Biden’s inauguration, but we know President Trump won’t be there. It’s a sad ending to a great four years. But we have to believe that Trump meant it when he said he would keep fighting for America. And conservatives will be with him every step of the way.


  • 2020 Election

  • Mike Pence

  • Kamala Harris

  • Donald Trump

  • Joe Biden

  • COVID-19

  • media

  • polls

  • Biden inauguration

  • Barack Obama

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